Friday, October 22, 2010

A Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I was thinking today. Unusual, I know ;)
What makes a good boyfriend, fiance, husband, girlfriend, wife…
I know there are so many people out there (and a lot of my peers) who are looking for a significant other. I was in a coffee shop today (also unusual) and I heard a girl talking to a friend about how she had to break up with her last boyfriend because of how needy he was and now she felt that she was back at square one. Single. Again. She had to start the search all over.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Searching for a boy/girlfriend is so tiring. It is! When you are evaluating everyone around you, it shallows relationships. It seriously limits prospects, too. Think about it. If you go around rating people before befriending them and getting to really know them, you could accidentally sort out some keepers.
I know I did that. Well, for a while. The bf was a good friend and we would text a lot and he would occasionally visit me at work. But, I was dating someone else. And so, obviously, I dismissed the attention he paid me. We were buds and he knew I had a boyfriend. Not that I ever really saw said boyfriend…but I was technically dating. But the current bf was very patient and we ended up together. Funny how that works.
I think guys have it down pretty well. They shoot for girls who are waaayyy out of their league. They go for the best. Girls seem more likely to settle. I dare you to seek out God's best. Is that what you're honestly waiting for?
Some things I learned to look for in a SO:
Ability to forgive. 'Cause let's face it- we all mess up. Relationships are work and sometimes we fall on our faces. If the person you're pursuing holds grudges, beware. Haha, so serious, but I mean it!
Commitment. You wanna know that this person is in it for the long run. Do they easily abandon friendships due to conflict?
Compassion. Compassionate people are usually good listeners, good relaters, and good supporters.
Sense of humor. It helps to break the ice on those first few awkward dates and laughing is good for the soul :)
Protective. Mostly a guy thing. Biblically, men are protectors and providers. They should stand up for you and defend you when appropriate.
Attraction. I don't think I need to explain this one.
Ability to compromise. Chances are you won't agree on everything once you've been together awhile. I think couples discover their differences after they've figured out their similarities. And this is important for solving your issues. As long as you're not compromising about your values…that could get messy.
Work ethic. Because relationships take hard work and a positive attitude.
A sense of self. You don't want to be with someone who becomes the opposite-sex version of you. That would be weird. And everything that attracted you to them would disappear. 
Loyalty. If you're going to share your secrets, dreams and thoughts with someone, you don't want everyone to know the next day.
Sense of adventure. Do stuff together. Have fun! Get out and go try something new.
A common faith. Super important. With this usually comes common values and morals.
Chivalry. It's not dead, I promise. If a guy doesn't pay for dinner on your first date without explaining why beforehand, it's a red flag! The boyfriend still opens doors for me (including the car door), brings me flowers, takes me out…after two years! Keeper!
Someone who's willing to wait for you. If you're not ready to date, don't put up with someone who's pushy and impatient. You're worth it. And chances are, if they can't put your needs before theirs before you're dating, they won't once you are. Just saying'.
As for love languages: my ex didn't speak mine. And it took me three years to figure it out (it's quality time). Three years. Hello!
It's important to identify your partners love language so they feel appreciated and cared for. And then, you have to learn how to speak their love language. It takes some time and practice (at least, it did for me), but it's so worth it.
Some snippets of important things I've learned. I'm off my pink bar-of-soap-shaped soap box :)
If that didn't make sense, you should skim some of my other posts.
Hope you had a lovely Friday!

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